Enduring Over Depression

[KingReef]

Enduring over Depression


Sometimes I need to feel,

Love from the other side of life,

to make myself feel real,

And to hold with deep security,

simple, innocent, reflective, compassion.


I do now,

and am lost in wonder,

where have my feelings gone?

what is this fog?

weary, empty, lingering, loneliness.


My years are not short,

I have seen much,

experience gathers within me,

So I wait in patience,

recharging, bittersweet, contemplative, humility.


How long must this wasteland continue?

I see the road clearly,

I've seen it before,

Will I endure again?

willing, tolerance, adjusting, sufferance.


As the haze of my emotions continue,

wait! Was that it?

The light! I saw it ahead,

glimmering in my body,

hopeful, promising, faithful, substantial.


That is me reaching to a lofty goal,

it seemed so distant not as before,

but now I feel not bad as it lingers,

it's just out of reach of my lifted fingers,

anticipating, assured, elated, eager.


As I enter I wonder, what have I learned?

A lesson I took but not discerned,

limited mind and unskilled thought,

I know not now what I think I ought,

mystery, complicated, bewildered, blame.


Sometimes I think I'm at fault,

when I glimpse a thought in back of my mind,

what if the journey was the lesson not learned,

to show my patience and faithful endurance,

single-minded, devotion, solid, genuine.

[EnderGate]

Nice, who wrote it?

[KingReef]

It was me during a rather low point, not that long ago.

Depression used to be a place where I lived. It's like it was ingrained into my personality.

One thing I learned about calling something 'a part of me', it typically is a destructive thing which one chooses to call something.

I wondered, why is it that someone trying to describe destructive behavior will call it 'personality' or 'just how I am'? Why can't it be anything good or worthwhile to call it that?

And that reminded me of another occurrence in my life. When I was about 7 years old ( I don't have any memories before that that I know of ) , I wondered why everything had to be so bad all of the time. What occurred just then was what I might call my first memorable spiritual experience. The answer was, "It doesn't." And a great fleeting realization of hope filled my body- not unlike when I was baptized in the Holy Spirit when I started trusting God. In fact, it was the same. Apparently God let me know a long time ago that He had His eye on me. He actually cares about me.