Biblical poems I wrote

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Biblical poems I wrote

Postby DevonR » Fri Jan 16, 2009 12:06 am

Here are some poems I wrote (each poem has a line that correlates to some verse along the road), Edward de Vere inspired me. Albeit, I need to read some more of his plays and writings, and, also study my KJV.
I am saddened that I never thought about writing literary works before, I was too focused on music, graphics, programming, and gaming.

Speak not to the airIs the Lord easily understood to you
Thou believest too
Then shall the world know
In the way thou wilt go?

Hath ye spake to the air?
Hath ye made the care?
Feedeth thou on wind
Sending nouhgt to thy kind

Then speakest thou in thy tongue
Thou hast sung
Thy words goeth not in vain
Hence, the Lord’s gain.

Faith saveth thou
Is thy faith gold?
Nay, it canst not be sold
Thou doth be bold
Yea, come out of the devil mould

Thy faith canst not be sold
Lo, tis’ worth more than gold!
What thou canst not sell
Shall deliver thou from hell

Behold thy faith to thy Lord
He doth accept it pour’d
Thou leaveth the pit
And yea, doth be lit

Behold the Lord
Beheld yea behold, the Lord of old
He doth writeth yea the Word
Tis’ naught nay absurd

Beheld yea behold, our Lord doth hold
His works oft’ vast
Thou seen them thou hast

Beheld yea behold, thine Lord bold
Keepest He in thy heart
Nay, he naught depart
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Re: Biblical poems I wrote

Postby SolusChristus » Sun Jan 18, 2009 2:26 pm

Well, not bad I guess. :)
"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that naturewill reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." Eph. 6:7-8
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Re: Biblical poems I wrote

Postby PassionForHisWord » Sun Jan 18, 2009 11:54 pm

Yeah, it's pretty good stuff :D
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23-24
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Re: Biblical poems I wrote

Postby Genesis » Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:44 am

I used to write poetry, I love English. If I ever get time, I might write some more. I was offered a small sponsorship to enter an English diploma because of it, long time ago though.

Edit: Those poems are good Devon, but if I may, I have a few words of advice for you.

First, rhymes need to rhyme. If the spelling is the same but the pronunciation is different, it doesn't work too well.

Feedeth thou on wind
Sending nouhgt to thy kind


Second, it seems that you are not fluent in Elizabethan English. Some of the sentences don't make sense.

Shall deliver thou from hell


The underlined word, 'thou', should be changed to 'thee'.

He doth writeth yea the Word


He does write yes the Word?

That might make sense if the punctuation were right.

He doth writeth, yea, the Word.

Tis’ naught nay absurd


Not sure what this is supposed to mean.

It is nothing no absurd?

Doesn't mean anything, and doesn't quite fit into the context of the verse either.

His works oft’ vast
Thou seen them thou hast


Vast and hast don't rhyme, and the second line of that portion is wrong. There should be no 'thou' at the beginning of that line for it to make sense.

Beheld yea behold, thine Lord bold


The 'thine' in this portion should be 'thy'.

Keepest He in thy heart


The 'He' in this portion should be 'Him'.

Nay, he naught depart


Naught means nothing. Doesn't make sense contextually.

Elizabethan English is a hard language to write poetry in unless you're very familiar with it. Adding words to meet syllabic requirements is a bad idea, it's better to restructure the entire line or stanza. Choosing words that rhyme even if they make no sense is also a big no-no.

The most important part in poetry is that it makes sense. In this regard, poetry is like any other literary work. No-one will read a novel that makes no sense. Good poetry doesn't have to rhyme, nor does it have to regard syllabic rules, as long as it tells a story. I prefer rhyming poetry, and structured poetry is amazing to read, but it has to be done well or it just falls apart.

It's a good start, and I hope I don't put you off with my criticisms, but I think it's better to be shown the mistakes so you can improve rather than continue on making the same mistakes over and over. I'd like to see more work once you've addressed these issues.
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Re: Biblical poems I wrote

Postby SolusChristus » Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:23 am

Wonderful constructive criticism, Genesis. :)
"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that naturewill reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." Eph. 6:7-8
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Re: Biblical poems I wrote

Postby Christ-is-the-light » Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:41 pm

Genesis wrote:
His works oft’ vast
Thou seen them thou hast


Vast and hast don't rhyme, and the second line of that portion is wrong. There should be no 'thou' at the beginning of that line for it to make sense.


It depends on how you pronounce vast as to whether it rhymes with hast :wink:
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Re: Biblical poems I wrote

Postby Genesis » Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:05 pm

LOL oh dear, so true. Please forgive me on that point.
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